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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Ramadoss meets Devadoss

Scene : Flower decked khota in Kolkata. Devadoss has just walked in and ordered some sharaab, shabaab and kabaab. He closes his eyes in blissful anticipation of a debauched night that will help him forget Paro. A prod to his ribs makes him open his eyes. Instead of the seductive Chandramukhi, there’s a middle-aged man with a strict moustache eyeing him critically. Devadoss is stupefied. 


Devadoss : Hey, who are you? Where’s Chandramukhi?

Ramadoss (graciously) : Good evening. I am Anbumani Ramadoss. Anbu means love in Tamil. So when I heard that this place gives anbu for money, I realized it’s the right place for Anbumani. Hehehe. Incidentally I’ll be your host for the evening.

D : You???? But this is a pleasure palace. It’s a Khota.

R : Not anymore. We have changed the classification of this place from khota to quota. Therefore I have control over it. And believe me, I am going to make this a model institution. With noble AIIMS.

D : Er, how?

R (accusingly) : By sanitizing you. Just look at you. Riddled with vice. You drink, you smoke, you love. And society has to bear the cost. People like you are a parasite on society. And believe me, as host, I know all about parasites.

D : Parasite???

R (patronizingly) : Yes. You belong to society. Your labour belongs to society. You are supposed to work and pay taxes. Not waste your time wooing women. You are supposed to be productive, not reproductive.

D : But I am too sad to work. Ever since my girlfriend left me, my life has declined in every parometer. (No pun intended. It’s just his Bong accent)

R : Shame on you. Don’t you know that love is bad for health. It generates an excess of hormones, pheromones and ecstatic moans. In fact, we have already banned it in all public places. Heh Heh. Ramadoss what others can’t.

D : Oh forget Paro, can I have Chandramukhi? At least that is pure lust. There’s no love involved.

R : Sorry. No unhealthy exchange of fluids. Especially on a commercial basis. We cannot allow people to sell their bodies. It’s indecent, immoral and untaxable.

D : Er… what exactly am I to do for.... you know... my physical needs?

R (conspiratorially) : Well if you want to do some naughty things with Chunnibabu, I can help you there. After all, the more gay you are, the less sad you’ll be.

D : No thank you. Lemme just puff a few melancholy drags on my hookah.

R : Hey, do you ever read the newspapers? Don’t you know that smoking is also banned. Especially by someone like you who is a fictional character in Bollywood.

D : No hookers and no hookahs??? What am I supposed to do here?

R : Why are you asking me? Do whatever. Just don’t break any law.

D : Okay. Okay. Cool it. Can Chandramukhi at least dance for me?

R (a bit apologetically) : Er… I don’t know how to break this to you but that is also banned. Not by me though. I think dancing is good exercise but some of my mates felt that it would take us back to the dark ages of Khajuraho & Kamasutra. However, if you do want to do a quick Salsa with Chunnibabu…

D : …No. No. Anything but that. Some music?

R (triumphantly) : Banned. In fact that was easy. They wanted music bands. We just banned music instead.

D : C’mon man. Why do you call yourself host? Will you at least pour me a glass of wine.

R : Sorry. Alcohol is bad for society. I don’t want to see anyone in front of bars. Only behind them. You’ll just have to gin & beer it… er… I mean grin & bear it.

D : Listen, if I can’t get a woman, a smoke, some dance, music or even wine, how exactly do I drown my sorrows.

R : Well, I’ve only banned wine. You are allowed to whine. All you want.

D : Aaaaargh. I’m out of here.

R : Aww. Go to health.

Disclaimer : All the above characters are fictitious and any resemblance to any other fictitious characters and union ministers is entirely coincidental.
Reference : If you have no clue who Devadoss is, you can read about the character he coincidentally resembles here.

39 comments:

Suchismita said...

Absolutely hilarous and absolutely true. With Bangalore turning into Bans-Galore with its no-drinking-where-you-dance rule, and Ramadoss banning cigarettes and aiming to come heavily down on alcohol, I needed someone to vent as much anger as I did. I am going to thoroughly recommend your post to all my readers, most of whom are disgusted with what Rama-doss.

Mojo Jojo said...

Ha ha! This is the funniest blog I have come across since Dilbert Blog happened. "Rama-doss what others can't?" Hilarious!
And "Go to health"... man, you got a way with words!
Beautiful post.

gaea said...

lovely paro-dy ramesh! guffawed and snorted right through...

Vipin said...

good one :)

By far the most brilliant blog post I have read in sometime

cheers,

aristotlethegeek said...

Satire. Wit. Brilliant.

Sauvik said...

Excellent piece. Congrats!

Zennmaster said...

I quite liked the liberal use of the the bengali-hindi accented jokes, chunni babu, parometer... good ones...

pavita said...

Love the word play and repartees.

Quirky Indian said...

Great Stuff!

Cheers,

Quirky Indian
http://quirkyindian.wordpress.com

Pratik Bubna said...

hilarious

Rohan said...

Every line's a masterpiece! :)

Rohan
Daily Humor

Tushar Mahule said...

Puntastic! :)

Deepti Nalavade said...

Ha ha ha! Absolutely hilarious! "Go to health" was the cherry on the cake! :D :D

rukmaniram said...

wahahahahahahahahahaha!!

We changed khota to quota!

waahahahahahahaha

(the same goes for the rest of the post btw)

Pramod Biligiri said...

The pun was good!

HellBound but Still Divine said...

excellent !!

Rockus said...

Fabulous stuff!

Kunal said...

Fab but true :P

What's In A Name ? said...

hilarious take!!!!

Rohan said...

You just inspired my first webcomic!

parinita said...

hahah! this is simply brilliant!

Anonymous said...

ha ha super ramesh wht a satire..i wish de authorities see some sense soon- kaajari

ANIL MADAN said...

Brilliant stuff Ramesh, hilarious & superbly written - Maddy

Jaydeep said...

haha, excellent piece man... "Ramadoss, what others cant"!! haha

revathi said...

Great humor. Couldnt stop laughing. who is your next target?

arun kumar r said...

sriwatsly you can twist and turn a phrase. just like mr. rama and his colleagues does.if you are ever standing to be voted mines for you.

Chets said...

a great big blue ocean to discover in you Ramesh !

ignatius said...

Brilliant play of words....

Anonymous said...

Totally hillarious...except a few parts that sounded like pachatantra!! Dude keep the funny rib tickling!!
Keep ram-doss asking for more!!

rambodoc said...

It is rare for me to agree with every person who comments on a blog post: this was an outstanding piece, and deserves to be paid for in cash. A pity the rupee is not worth as much as one word that you write!

ashwin said...

Great one Dude!! Really enjoyed reading this piece!!

Aldemen Tripe Loon said...

Brilliant, one of the most humorous and witty things I have read in a long time
Respect!

viraj said...

totally ginning after reading this one...hahahahaha...really nicely put!

Rash said...

fabulous!

shubho sengupta said...

superb, keep writing. i hate puns normally, but you're just too funny.

donraja said...

cheers to this..with Nutramul of course

ceg61 said...

ramesh.
i knew you are witty but the blogs show your outstanding punning ability.brilliant, and look forward to more of it.
dad

Vinay Venkatesh said...

ha ha! really enjoyed it!

Vinod_Sharma said...

This actually needs to be sent to that gay fellow who says he is Ram-dass(Ramadoss) but thinks he is Ram-boss!

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