I solemnly swear that this is the last time I shall cheat by cloaking excerpts from my Twitter updates as a blog post. That's because, from now on, I er... plan to post all my Twitter updates as blog posts. If you anyway follow me on Twitter and want to read only the longer stuff, you can click on the topic - Patiala. Here are excerpts from my Tweets of the last few days -
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Am at my Tweet's End
Thursday, January 22, 2009
100-word Election Speeches - Part 3
Link to introduction & Part 1.
Link to Part 2.
Sanjay Dutt - Oy there. Vote for me, ok. I want to be PM. My career started in a Rocky manner. But I soon made a Naam for myself. The Mumbai Blasts were a Kaante in my flesh because people thought I had made our Dushman into my Saajan. So I was called Khalnayak and kept in Kabzaa for possessing Hathyaar. But now I’m back with a Dhamaal. I fail to understand why, just because I’m a movie star, I’ve become the Dutt of all jokes. Believe me, I’m a man of deep conviction – 6 years to be precise. So vote for me and vote for a muscular India. Sanjay ka Haath, Arm Aadmi ke Saath.
Mamata Banerjee - Farmers, and former farmers. This is your Didi standing before you asking for your vote. These industrialists want your land to set up plants. What for I say? Don’t farmers anyway grow plants? Industry? Na, no, never. I will ban progress. After all, people respectfully call me Bannerjee. Your Didi will make a great PM. With the constant terrorist threat, we need a PM capable of ordering surgical strikes. Or even, if necessary, a nuclear strike. And I am a veteran of strikes. Auto strike, lawyer strike and so on. So vote for me and let us restore Farm Rajya in this country.
Raj Thackeray - Manoos & er.. womanoos. Make me PM and I promise to protect our borders. I’ll ban everything Pakistani. Singers, sportsmen, jugglers. Movies like Pakeezah. Sweets like Mysore Pak. Even games like Pakman. You see, by eliminating all peaceful visitors, we can attack any Pakistani on the street because he, then, must be a terrorist. Of course, if he’s armed, we’ll let our Bhaiyyas in NSG handle it. I’ll spread Marathi around India, signboard by signboard. Marathi is music to my ears and I love music. Especially violence. And sometimes, I play the loot. I am well educated, in the famous Goon School, where I studied the work of the poet Burns. Unlike my uncle, I have Bals. So please vote for me and send me to Delhi. Or else, I’ll remain in Mumbai.
Barkha Dutt - You the people. I request you to vote me in as PM. This nation is floating meaninglessly. It needs an anchor. Like me. I will not treat politics as a business. I’ll make it personal. Very personal. I will personally investigate every terror attack and fearlessly interrogate the er… victims. I’ll have no secrets and I’ll ensure that our nation too has none. After all, even terrorists count in the TRPs, don't they? I’ll cajole our industrialists to ensure that our economy is sensational. I’ll add melodrama to parliamentary proceedings thus making it prime-time viewing. I beg you for your vote. So, please vote for me. Or I’ll cry.
Considering I've plunged down to people like Barkha Dutt, I guess its time to end this series. Unless some fresh jokers enter politics.
Disclaimer : The above speeches are pure fiction. So it does not purport to represent the state of Indian politics, which is more about friction, factions & infractions.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Short and Tweet
My love affair with Twitter continues. It is spontaneous. It is easy. It is interactive. And it is addictive. Some more excerpts :
Chhattisgarh government to provide free iodised salt. All the people in that state can now say, "Sarkar, maine aapka namak khaya hai".
A Ghajini video game is to be launched soon. Wonder how much memory it will take.
Hindu says "Over 100 flights delayed in Delhi". PTI says "Flight operations normal in Delhi". I guess, both are right.
Amar Singh calls the UPA government gutless and heartless. Well, I am a champion of less government, but this is not what I meant.
ONGC is participating in the oil strike. Er... weren't they set up to strike oil???
Musharraf says that India should not speak of surgical strikes. I agree. Any such talk and all our surgeons will stop coming to work.
Ramadoss to now make Yoga mandatory in all schools and colleges. Our health minister suffers from an Obsessive Compulsory Disorder.
China blocks 41 porn sites. They now have only about 14,999,959 sites to go.
Mallya says he still hasn't decided if Dravid will continue as the captain of RCB. You could say - he is sitting on the wall.
A google search generates 7g of CO2. Well, one breath we take generates 1g. So let's hold our breath and search.
You can follow my Tweets here.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Satyam Chairman on Trial
It’s a big day. The courtroom is packed. With journalists, shareholders, programmers & Barkha Dutt. After all, today’s the day when the Satyam Chairman & CEO, B Ramalinga Raju, is in the dock. The judge is looking solemn. The public prosecutor is looking smug. In the background, the national emblem adds gravity to the proceedings. In order to remove any trace of bias, the words “Satyameva Jayate” have been masked so that it reads “eva Jayate”. Ramalinga Raju has taken the oath and the crowd too has been quietly swearing at him. The public prosecutor purposefully walks up to the witness stand.
Public Prosecutor (gravely courteous) : Would you prefer to remain standing or would you rather sit down?
PP : Not guilty??? Do you actually deny that you falsified the books to show inflated results?
References : Second Life, Deli.co.us, Digg, StumbleUpon, Flickr, Wikipedia, Facebook & Twitter are all up there leading the Web 2.0 revolution.
Update : I've subsequently found out that Satyam exited SIFY a few years back. So I guess I shouldn't have dragged SIFY into this article. But then, if you really look at it, I shouldn't have dragged all the other companies in either.