1. Someone has started a group in facebook called "Say NO to terrorism." Its membership is swelling by the minute. Are its members promising to not indulge in terrorism ("say no to drugs" types)? Or is the group meant to inform terrorists (at least the ones who are on facebook) that there are people out there who don't like getting bombed. Thereby clearing their misconception that their victims enjoy their attacks. I'm scanning the list of members to see if Osama has joined.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
It’s a-polling time again. Elections are around the corner and they promise to drive us round the bend. Bearded newsreaders are turning into psephologists and exorcists are now calling themselves “booth capturers”. Distilleries are ramping up production and there is a buzz of anticipation everywhere. But in today’s fast-paced world of snack-sized entertainment, who has the time for long boring campaign speeches. In tune with the times, all parties are preparing short sound-bytes of under 100 words. Here are the offerings of the big three.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Yeah, what’s the harm in that? MGR was cut-out to rule TN. Jayalalitha loomed large after him. NTR introduced Rama Rajya in AP much before the BJP coined the phrase. Now Chiranjeevi has jumped into the action. Govinda has been MP No. 1. Jaya Prada, Shatrughan Sinha, Dharmendra… The list is endless. So why not go all the way and get Salmaan Khan to rule the country. Here is a speech that he could use while campaigning.
I stand before you with open arms and bare chest to seek your vote. We have heard enough about Rama Rajya. What I promise you is Drama Rajya. You will all get enough Khan-a and peena. And plenty of gaana too. In order to improve the ratings of Lok Sabha TV, I will put together the most attractive council of ministers ever.
My friend Shahrukh will take over the home ministry. He will ensure that there are no riots. No hate. Only love. Love. Regardless of age, caste, religion or er…gender. He will ensure peace. There will be Home-Shanti-Home.
Sunjay Dutt will handle the defence portfolio. He is an opinionated fellow, so he’ll never sit on de-fence. He will ensure that we are always armed and ready. He deserves the TADAsaheb Phalke award.
Dharmendra will take over animal welfare. He has promised to drink the khoon of any kamina who harms a kuttha. And to take good care of all soovar ke baccheys.
Aishwarya Rai, will be the minister for environment. No one can doubt her love for trees. She will ban weeding, and encourage wedding.
Foreign affairs will be handled by Neena Gupta. She has a Viv-id perspective in this area.
Rakhi Sawant will be put in charge of rural development. She has constantly worked for the upliftment of the masses.
The health portfolio will be handled by Saif Ali Khan. He has promised to examine potato chips and pronounce them as completely Saif.
You might wonder why Amitabh has not been mentioned so far. That is because the Big B will be my nomination for the President of India. To ensure that Raj Thackeray will allow him to return to Mumbai after his term, Amitabhji has requested that be referred to not as Rasthtrapati but as Maharashtrapati.
With this star-studded council of ministers, I promise you a lot of action. Every village will get lights and every villager a plot. We will open a dialogue with Pakistan. Our industries will improve their production. And the country will have some direction.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The intellectual, soon-to-be U.S. president Obama (whose visiting card, in India, would have said "O B.A., M.A.") calls and our PM could not take the call because he was traveling. Vodafone he has!!! After 4 years as PM, he doesn’t even have roaming. What is he? A sub-prime minister? Anyway, Manmohan decides to rectify this and many other problems with his phone. He makes a call to customer service.
References : If you don't follow Indian politics, this post will make no sense to you (please note that this statement does not imply that this post will make sense if you do follow Indian politics). In that case, do mention it in your comments and I will add the necessary links.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Scene : Flower decked khota in Kolkata. Devadoss has just walked in and ordered some sharaab, shabaab and kabaab. He closes his eyes in blissful anticipation of a debauched night that will help him forget Paro. A prod to his ribs makes him open his eyes. Instead of the seductive Chandramukhi, there’s a middle-aged man with a strict moustache eyeing him critically. Devadoss is stupefied.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
I was languidly watching the test match wither away into a draw when suddenly the news flashed that Anil Kumble has decided to retire. We knew it was coming. In fact, some were even giving blatantly subtle hints about it. But regardless of how much we anticipate the retirement of a great cricketer, it still leaves a sense of disbelief when it actually happens. There is a sense of loss that we won’t see that famous run up again. So while the news channels are quickly making edits of “Chak De India” to play tonight with visuals of his ten-wicket haul, while ex-cricketers are hastily sheathing their barbs and polishing their tributes, and while Mallya is wondering if he will save some money on the Royal Challengers budget, here is my piece on a man I admire.
All great players have their trademarks. The image we remember them by. Like Lara’s backlift, Kapil’s leap, and Sachin’s lofted drive. The image that will always come to my mind when I think of Kumble is his walk back to his run up. The moment when he tosses the ball a couple of times and gets ready to try yet again. And his unbounded joy when he got a wicket. Even his 619th one.
Kumble never enjoyed the adulation that we Indians reserve for geniuses. Ours is a culture which values flamboyance over grit, elan over hard work, Boris Becker over Ivan Lendll, ease over persistence and looks over character. So we have always downplayed his achievements, ridiculed his skills and ignored his greatness. Kumble never enjoyed the mob frenzy that others got. No one burnt effigies when he was dropped. He never told us which soft drink to consume or which shaving cream to use.