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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

100-word Election Speeches - Part 1

It’s a-polling time again. Elections are around the corner and they promise to drive us round the bend. Bearded newsreaders are turning into psephologists and exorcists are now calling themselves “booth capturers”. Distilleries are ramping up production and there is a buzz of anticipation everywhere. But in today’s fast-paced world of snack-sized entertainment, who has the time for long boring campaign speeches. In tune with the times, all parties are preparing short sound-bytes of under 100 words. Here are the offerings of the big three.

Advani – Namaste. I urge you to vote for the BJP so that we can create history ..er..literally. We will go back to the glory of the Vedas. During the polls, we propose to use the Rig-Veda. And after the polls, we promise to distribute idli-veda. All parliamentary proceedings will start with prayer. In fact, we will rename the parliament Shlok Sabha. Give us a chance. All of us are not communal. Our own party is split into extremists and Modirates. So, vote for us. Please lotus rule this time and I promise you Ram Rajya.

Sonia – Ram Rajya? He must be Tutti-Frutti. I’ll give you Rome Rajya. My party is about reform. Economic Reform – Liberalization will move pasta. Judicial reform - Cases will be tried by azzuri of peers. Land reform - All farmers will get a pizza land. Poverty alleviation – All poor people will get at least a Pavarotti to eat (Italy-vada for the Madrasis). Tourism Development – We’ll open many risotto everywhere. Brothers & sisters, I’m sure you will all vote for me. I feel Sonia to power. But remember, come to the polling booth on time. Don’t be latte.

Mayawati (seated on her plush, red caste-ing couch) – Brahmins, Dalits & OBCs, thanks for coming. Baniyaas, I Vaishya were here. Amar Singh calls my rule Scam Rajya. He has gone Mulayam in the head. As you see, I am the one in the corridors of power. I blocked the coach factory only because I thought it was supposed to manufacture Greg Chappels. If you elect me, I promise efficiency. If you break your hand, you’ll get a scheduled cast. I’ll trim bureaucracy. It will have no OBCeety problem. I’ll build numerous statues honouring scholars and Daliterary achievements. So please caste your vote for me and remember – To BSP is not be SP.


Disclaimer : Please do not take this post literally. I've just used figures of speech. Or perhaps speeches of figures. Whatever.


21 comments:

What's In A Name ? said...

"Coming up. Part 2 with the rest of the leaders" - Just what one would ask for.

Sauvik said...

carry on, dude! you're gr888!

Vipin said...

grand!

classics I say

Rohan said...

Rocking man. But your fans want longer speeches! :)

Rohan
Daily Humor

rambodoc said...

Another piece of elegant humor. PC was interviewed in my blog, and he had things to say you might be interested to know.

Gopinath's "Artickles" said...

Hi, Ramesh. Nice one. "Brevity is the soul of wit" we knew but if leaders give up the mike@100 words believing "Brevity is the soul of vote", it is tough to digest, even with Hajmola. Unless there is some kind of power (electrical) being rationed and controlled in the days to come?

Ms Anxious said...

Keep them coming! May I salute your brilliance!

Superficial Gibbering prater said...

Its a joy to read ur posts

"To BSP is not be SP"..

OOOh..That was sooper cool

Request for next post..Include Rajinikanth and karunanidhi :)

ashwin said...

Superb as usual...keep them coming
cheers
ashwin

Shrikant Joshi said...

Rockstar!! :)

You got yourself another subscriber! :)

Cheers!
Shrikant.

Prax said...

:-)
u got me rotfl

mads said...

Shucks! Even the bloody disclaimer rocks!

Deepa Subbaraman said...

Ramesh you rock! I think you need to come up with "some speeches you would never hear politicians make". That would be equally interesting with your inimitable style of humour.

Cheers, D

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

I suspect it is you who must have written that funny speech for Laloo Prasad during the railway budget :)

Traveler said...

I can't read .....I'll die ...hahahahaha...woww~

dolphin said...

haha hilarious, the best part was "i'll give you rome rajya!"

Venkat said...

hahahah superb!! I just loved Sonia's Italicised [;)] speech :-)

Aniket Daoo said...

"After all, people respectfully call me Bannerjee."

"To BSP is not be SP."

This is too good Sir !!! i was ROFLMAO !!!

Anonymous said...

It is 1.30am and am laughing like crazy

Anonymous said...

Wow... u have inspired me to crack some of these on radio, may i??

Ramesh Srivats said...

Sure Anonymous. What's your name btw?

Of course, it'd be nice if you could mention my blog as the source but go ahead in any case.

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