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Friday, November 28, 2008

It would be funny if it weren't so scary

1. Someone has started a group in facebook called "Say NO to terrorism." Its membership is swelling by the minute. Are its members promising to not indulge in terrorism ("say no to drugs" types)? Or is the group meant to inform terrorists (at least the ones who are on facebook) that there are people out there who don't like getting bombed. Thereby clearing their misconception that their victims enjoy their attacks. I'm scanning the list of members to see if Osama has joined.


2. Pratibha Patil has put our minds at ease by "strongly condemning" the terror attacks. She probably thought that we were sick with apprehension that she might applaud it. The Deccan Mujaheddin are now expected to be completely demoralized by this presidential rebuke.

3. Manmohan Singh has "called" for the establishment of a federal investigation agency. Uh? Who is he "calling"? Isn't he the guy who is supposed to set it up? And preferably have set it up by now. It's like Emperor Nero "calling" for the establishment of a fire department.

4. Commandos are landing on the Nariman Building. They seem to be tip-toeing down. They are communicating to each other through hand signals. Secrecy & surprise are paramount. And NDTV is showing this live!!! With informative commentary on how many commandos have landed and so on. Perhaps NDTV's research has shown that terrorists only watch cartoon network during missions.

5. Shivraj Patil is peeved that the terrorists didn't hang around in the Cama Hospital & CST till he landed up. He is probably extremely upset about this grave breach of protocol. Which is why, his description of the events has been "most disturbing". Reminds me of Humphry Appleby.

6. The CII Chief Mentor, Tarun Das, has suggested that many conferences should be held to combat terrorism. I presume they will meet all day in exotic but safe spots and come out with a resolution condemning terrorism. There goes Al Qaeda's chances on getting listed in the BSE.

7. While all the TV channels have been uniformly hysterical, Barkha Dutt seems to have emerged as the first among equals in the race for the most words with the least sense. By asking the relatives of hostages bizarre questions - "How do you feel?" and "What will you do if your husband doesn't come out?"  - she has piled insensitivity on top of stupidity. Basically the thugs have taken the hostages and the media is spreading the terror.

Sat morning

The fighting seems to be over. Now I guess the battles will begin.

One news channel is showing the corpse of a terrorist and claims that the death of this particular terrorist symbolizes the death of terror. NDTV has changed its caption from "War Zone" to "Enough is enough". Which, strangely, is what most people have been telling them.

49 comments:

Vishwas Krishna said...

You hit the nail on the head in point 3. As far the rest, whenever such a situation arises, they issue same kind of statements and make same faces. Nothing much to expect from them, which in fact, is the "most disturbing" thing.

shubho sengupta said...

:)
so damn true. would be laughing if it weren't bad times.

Sauvik said...

manmohan chacha, advani mama and sonia aunty landed up in mumbai together, stretching security forces. manmohan gave a hospital visit TV-op, while i am sure the terrorized patients would have preferred no visitors being allowed.

All humbug.

Aldemen Tripe Loon said...

Good to see a humorous twist to it finally...I was getting supremely pissed of with all the 'Lets Unite and Work' kind of bullshit on the net...Thanks again, refreshing change

Divs said...

God! You hit a nerve in me with your point 4. I have been saying they should order all media to do a blackout on cameras until they finish each operation successfully! Media men want to show they have access to all information but at what cost? BTW I have quoted you on my blog at http://indianinfant.blogspot.com/2008/11/first-bangalore-then-ahmedabad-and-now.html

Ganapathy said...

the satellite dishes and cables have been cut off.....the released hostages said this in their interviews

p@tr!(k said...

at a time like this your sense of humour is very welcome. thanks, ramesh

silverine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

and barkha was asking the freed hostages if they were relieved that the ordeal was over. she was asking one of them if he would remember the party and if it was a memorable one.

Ramesh Srivats said...

Ganapathy, how does it matter if TV is cut-off locally. Anybody can see it from another city and relay the info to the thugs.

Rahul Jauhari said...

Hindsight is always 20/20.
Lets see what is said over the next 2-3 days.

rambodoc said...

I propose that the Home Minister be promoted to the post of Ambassador to Somalia, and be given the task of negotiating with pirates and impress them with his sartorial splendor.

Rage Sage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shrikant Joshi said...

Get ready for the Twitter hysteria. :)

Thanks for the chuckle. All of us needed it.

Cheers.
Shrikant.

Rage Sage said...

just tweeted ur blog ...(deleted my comment without realizing it ...sorry)

manju said...

All points are pertinent, but number 4 really struck home.

The news channels were functioning as if agents of the terrorists- giving updates every ten minutes regarding activities of the commandos and their exact positions.

Anonymous said...

Valid, funny and sad.

Traveler said...

First timer..

Nice one :).

It's humorous and that's sad
It's light and that's deep
It's a desirable dream and that's life

cool said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
What's In A Name ? said...

"Basically the thugs have taken the hostages and the media is spreading the terror." - One of the channels should air this caption.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely brilliant post! How weird that the terrorists seemed to be the only authentic characters in this drama. Everything else: the the clearly-defunct ATS, the lathi-wielding pot-belly-ed Mumbai cops, the shit-scared politicians, the absent Thakerays, the inane media, and especially the media seemed to represent the ultimate farce. Would have been such a joke, if it wasn't so sad.

Abhijit Bhaduri said...

Awesome post. I heard All India Radio that Pratibha Patil "had a sleepless night" and was cutting short her trip to Indonesia. "This shows how deeply she has been affected by the incident."
As for me I was plain relieved now that Pratibha Patil was back, she could catch p on her sleep.

Arby K said...

It is in times like these humor can provide solace to despair

Vedang said...

reads like a joke, but is the reality. we as a country are screwed unless we find better leaders and our media becomes more responsible.

donraja said...

Super post machaan
The worst news channels are the ones in hindi. TOday they gave a sensational news on Aaj Tak on how Bipasha was devastated with what what's happening in Mumbai. An a/v with all her movie clips.....garbage.

Can't even say we want president rule....just look at her.

donraja said...

yeah...it worked....the comments are working. and this design seems better.

Roland said...

Situation scary? Yes. Your comments funny? Yes, too.
When will India get it's Obama? Pratibha Patil, Shivraj Patil and the rest of their ilk. Couldn't qualify to run a hot-dog cart in downtown Toronto.

pal.................... said...

The sarcastic tone of ur post makes the seriousness of ur words more pronounced...allow me to applaud to ur writting...also i read so many posts on the samem topic...all being as naive and frivolous as one can imagine...this post was a releif to knw tht sum1 sensible saw the episode and was responsible enough to make a sensible coment...

Anonymous said...

Why don’t the people of India talk about the undue coverage of media during such rescue operation? Every news channel wants to be the first to air / broadcast the sensitive information as breaking news and win the maximum TRP. But does anyone assess whether display of such coverage can hamper the prospect of armed forces’ operation? Is there a need that the government should re-look at the role of media and the governance of media coverage during such operations? Why no one talks about filing a Public Interest Litigation (PIL) to discuss and to assess the role of media while covering such stories concerning the National Security.

There are bigger issues of National Security which are being sidelined. The security of our nation is breached by the terrorists. There are serious lapses in the public security. India has witnessed series of Bomb blasts in this year. The Home Minister of India does not think that he is morally responsible for such lapses. Perhaps he is keen in changing fashionable attires and does not have time to find solution to terrorism. The media is not seeking explanation from the Government and unnecessarily indulging in wrong propaganda. Is media being misused to move the attention of the people from these important issues?

The Quark said...

Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Can Government of India break ceasefire with Pakistan ?? This is a million dollar question that every Indian should ask our politicians. Are we ready to break political diplomatic ties with our neighbouring nation ? Or still our politicians want to appease the minority vote bank of this country. Please tell our politician that this country is a secular country and there exists neither majority voters nor minority. All have one religion that is Indian. In the recent past, India witnessed Kargil war 1999, India witnessed Kandhahar Hi-jacking of IA flight in 2000. India saw terrorist attacking the Parliament in 2001, India saw attack on the holi places as Akshardham in 2003, India witnessed serial blasts in Bangaloru, Ahmedabad, Jairpur and now this terror attack on India's financial capital. Still our politicians need Samjhota Express anymore?? Do Indian cricket fans want their cricket team to play with Pakistan ? Do Indians still want Pakistani flights to land in India ?? The time has come to make a serious choice. Let the spineless politicians of our nation know that we the people of India want a strong leadership. Can we, the People of India show this courage to dislodge any efforts by our selfish politicians to be friendly with Pakistan ?? No more friendship with Pakistan, Enough is enough ! Jai Hind !!!

Avi said...

And everyone wants to start a war with Pakistan, or start a war on terror (which is absurd cause terror is not an entity).

But no one asks why is this happening? What is the cause?

Ramu said...

Please include RGV & Ritesh Deshmukh in ur next post.... they were scanning the Taj in case it completely collapses so that they could replicate it in their sets....

Anonymous said...

its a brilliant write up, you have hit the nail on the head in a stirical manner.

But just a smalll correction which in the current scheme of things might be insignificant. your point no.4 is flawed. all the TV networks from the buildings in and around the Taj was disabled.
but i am sure the terrorists could have got all the info through their sateliite phones or some other futuristic gadget.

With the antique rifled that our policemen had the terrorists could have well watched cartoon network during the mission (provided they had satellite tv connection)

Badarivishal said...

First time i am here and definitely not the last time. You are brilliant.

indrani said...

good one.....absolutely true...i mean i applaud the way you have written it..humourous yet starkingly true!

cram said...

awesome post, boss.

the media have completely exposed themselves as incompetent nincompoops. never have i so many in such a hyper state.

everyone seemed to be in need of anxiety control pills; sardesai was the worst. he was completely bonkers - at one time he even announced the terrorists had started firing at RBI. minutes later he apologized, but kept repeating the rumor - he just couldn't stop himeslf.

and yet again, everyone started parroting the same bulls*** about mumbai's "spirit" and "resilience" and how it will "bounce back" (as though all other cities somehow refuse to get back to normal).

sardesai even asked a group of prominent bombayites whether mumbai would bounce back - this, when the operation had entered another gory phase, people were still dying, bombs were going off!

and why was there no central media co-ordinator? why were NSG, army and navy officials allowed to speak to the media? the country has become the laughing stock of the whole world.

Anonymous said...

You are taking dig at the media because they have tried to boost viewership of their channel/s;

What do u think you are doing? are you also not using the unfortunate incident to your benefit?

- Vibha

Ramesh Srivats said...

Yes Vibha,

The media is free to take a dig at me.

Paul said...

whats all this crap about 'our very own 9/11'. It virtually proprietory in its tone. It almost as if the news channels believe that no country's trophy shelf of horrors is complete without a 9/11 to top it off!

George said...

Ramesh! Nice one! Would love to know your take on the Fake Versace guy, holding a real AK 47 at the CST station?????

JKD said...

Ur blog made me smile for the first time since this whole S*** hit the fan....... But its really scary....

Morpheus said...

100% agreement with JKD 'Ur blog made me smile for the first time since this whole S*** hit the fan....... But its really scary....

Anonymous said...

Not very funny. Certainly didn't find as funny as others are saying above.

I can see now a days that people are blaming one or the another. By one way or the other. News channels blaming politicians, people blaming politicians, politicians blaming each other. Instead doing something constructive/good, everyone is busy blaming each other. Found something similar here. Someone else blaming news channels and politicians.

Enough, otherwise it will sound like I am blaming you. Nothing personal.

Sameer.

Roland said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ramesh Srivats said...

Roland,

Very sorry for deleting your comment. It was a very nice article, but could you please post a link to it, instead of pasting the whole article here?

My apologies, but am just trying to keep the comments on topic.

The Comedian said...

Agree with shubo, the second anonymous chap, and Badarivishal (did i spell that right?)

RR said...

Ramesh,

Thats a refreshingly different take on this unfortunately tragic incident ...

Ok, i am not an expert on writing styles, but here is a comment - I think u have a fairly decent sense of humour. But that humour will carry more punch if you have a more taut writing style. Remember, Brevity is the Sword of Wit. So if u can convey ur humour in slightly fewer words and words that carry more weight than the normally used ones,and in a style thats more prose like than normally spoken out sentences, i think u have a neat blog. I think with practice u can do that.

sabena said...

Fantastic post Da!!
I loved the one on Barkha, she was one hysterical queen, lost her voice and had completely lost it with her comments. The other channels BTW, were no better. I don't know if you heard India TV or not?? They specialise in "exclusive deals"!!

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